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#177 Feb 01 2017 at 8:42 AM Rating: Excellent
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It's been about eight years since there were people regularly posting, too.
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#178 Feb 02 2017 at 11:31 PM Rating: Good
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There is nothing on this Earth more satisfying than tacos that you make yourself after not eating anything at all that same day.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#179 Feb 08 2017 at 3:27 PM Rating: Good
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I just had the weirdest dream where I was in bed with some person I may have already written off as no longer being interested in, doing *** things, and my family, brothers, sister, stepfather-- not family I live with in the real world, all decided to come barging into my room, which made said person leave. I was so enraged by this that I spent what felt like an eternity screaming at all of them and punching random things but being hopelessly unable to actually break anything no matter how hard I tried.

So now finally awake at 3:00 in the afternoon still feeling pretty much like I did in the dream only now I'm fully conscious and realizing I have nothing to be so angry about... or do I? I just think it is frustration. I am suppressing it while I am awake. It seems unreasonable that a person should get so bent out of shape for lacking *** in their life, which seems to be what my dream was suggesting, because it's not something that we need to live. Then I wonder, maybe that is why I'm always so unhappy to the extent that I feel like killing myself every day. --because now I'm married and have been for 7 years and there is nothing I can do about that particular problem or at least try to like I did when I was single.

I really just want to take something big and heavy and smash my skull into a fine paste with it, but I can't seem to get the kind of leverage I need in first person what with my arms being directly at my sides and all. I think about putting myself in queue for free counseling and in several months having some kind of help, but what are they going to do? Tell me to get divorced and try again? I would really be alone then. What I have with my wife is the best I can do. Prior to that was literally nothing-- being single and being told by white women that they didn't like white guys. HAHA! That'd be fun to deal with again.

I think part of my problem is my wife is one of the few people in the world I don't really fu[i]cking hate.[/i] I think about all the people around here and their Gadsden flags and their nutsacks hanging off the bumpers of their cars and I want to torture them to death. I think about all the people I used to interact with every day working at Walmart and the liquor store and wish there was a way I could block all the exits of those places and set them ablaze. I'm beginning to realize that I don't just hate myself. I hate everyone. --and when I meet someone I don't hate? They hate me-- because I'm worthless, and stupid, and ugly, just like everyone else.

I don't want to hurt anyone, though. It would be better if I could just die. --escape this world where the typical person has shit for brains and all forms of satisfaction outside of homemade tacos are impossibly out of reach. Yet, I think all this, but I won't do anything about it. Some part of me simply doesn't want to. It remembers a time when things weren't so bad and thinks there is some chance it can happen again, or something better could happen. Realistically though, it won't. The probability of something changing for the better is very small. If I had killed myself a decade ago when I had the chance I would not have subjected myself to all of this. It could have been over then. But what if something good happens? It would be that much sweeter, given the adversity. It would be like winning in a game that is set to its highest possible difficulty.

I really am trying so hard, though. That's why I am in school getting perfect grades. That's why I work out every day. I will have a job that earns a real income that can buy all kinds of shiny and colorful things that people love. --and if for some reason that doesn't work out, I can just buy a house with a basement and soundproof walls.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#180 Mar 06 2017 at 11:01 PM Rating: Good
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I don't think I can stand another minute of this. I feel like I can't breathe. Every instinct in me is to try and claw my way out of this room even though it would make a lot more sense to just use the door. --and every room is just a differently shaped version of the same room. Outside of that, everything is copy pasta. It's the same set of roads with the same copy paste traffic and the same copy paste people in every direction for eternity. There is nowhere to go when everywhere is the same.

I have decided that I don't want to die. I want to live and experience all the things I want-- but I can't have any of those things. I realize that it is the fact that I want things I can't have that is making me feel this way all the time-- but not wanting anything is the same thing as being dead. --and every day that goes by I get closer and closer to dying anyway.

It's like being buried alive in a coffin equipped with circulating air and ventilation and food and water all for the purpose of keeping me alive for as long as possible while I'm trapped underground. I have the option to hang myself and end it, but I can hear the voices of people above ground. One time someone talked to me through the dirt, but then went away and never came back.

I started a new class today. It is the last of my gen eds before I start getting into medical stuff. New instructor, new classmates. I can't talk to them. It's not appropriate. I am married, and so are all of they-- and even if they weren't, even if I weren't. It is not appropriate. I am not appropriate. Everyone has their own lives and their own business and it's not for me to be in any way involved in. It really makes me wonder how anything happens this way. Now that I think about it, it has always been this way, and it never changes.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#181 Mar 07 2017 at 7:21 AM Rating: Excellent
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/p Cut my life into pieces this is my {Last Resort}
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#182 Mar 07 2017 at 4:46 PM Rating: Good
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Mary69 wrote:
My friend got on to me last night for liking her statuses on Facebook too much. She then went on to tell me about how uncomfortable I make her and that I should not go to the comic store anymore. Then she blocked and unfriended me. This is really what I have been dreading all week, but now that it's happened, I don't feel upset like I thought I would. I don't feel anything at all. It's like being an inanimate object.


Is there a reason one of you needed to make a sock account for this? Just seems really stupid.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#183 Mar 07 2017 at 11:09 PM Rating: Good
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Ku, are you a house husband?

If so, generate all your energy to the kids.


I feel I gave pretty good as a dad (but, in retrospect, no) , but if you are the *not* bread-winner, do every educational social, artsy thing you can for the kids.


Sexual love isn't everything, man: I'm 15 years from any physical intimate contact and I'm still here.
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#184 Mar 08 2017 at 12:55 AM Rating: Good
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Friar Bijou wrote:
Ku, are you a house husband?

If so, generate all your energy to the kids.


I feel I gave pretty good as a dad (but, in retrospect, no) , but if you are the *not* bread-winner, do every educational social, artsy thing you can for the kids.


Sexual love isn't everything, man: I'm 15 years from any physical intimate contact and I'm still here.


The difference between us is you did have it though. --at some point at least. It is not just sexual love I need, either.

The happiest I have ever been was during the 1.5 years I spent with Red just over Skype. There was no physical contact and I did my best to keep things as non-sexual as possible. I imagine if I had a daughter, it would be a lot like that, maybe. Maybe then I could do as you are saying. Edit: Although, Red hated when I talked about science, or what she otherwise referred to has "hippy shit."

I do have kids of my own, though. --a five year old son. The idea of doing anything educational or artsy with him is not possible... yet. He just doesn't have the kind of attention span for anything like that yet. He is extremely bright, though, and unlike his father, he is very socially inclined and outgoing. I think when he gets a bit older though I will be able to bond with him. For now it's really a lot like having a puppy. He just wants to run around and get into things, and every 5 minutes or so he feels the need to find every other member of the household and announce a random science fact he learned watching Youtube or the Octonauts. "DADDY! GOOD NEWS! MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL!". He does not have to spend his early years watching his father beat his mother within an inch of her life every other day like I did. He will not have to go without food like I did growing up, and gets all the toys and games he can possibly want for. He'll be starting school soon, and I already know he'll have a good life and make tons of friends.

I also have a stepdaughter, who recently turned 12. I have known her since she was 5. I don't really have any kind of relationship with her. The older she gets, the more distant she becomes. She has both her parents active in her life, and I'm really little more than a room mate to her. She isn't particularly close with her parents, either. She would rather spend all day talking to strangers on the internet, and even "dated" my friend Red for a few months. We have a lot of common interests-- things like Vocaloids and internet culture/memes, anime-- things neither of her parents understand or care for at all. Her parents are only about 5 years older than me, yet they seem to come from an entirely different world. We were a lot closer when we had Red as a mutual friend, but these days I'm just the guy who occasionally brings her food and drives her to and from her dad's house. I try to get her to open up and talk sometimes, but she is very private about everything, and will usually flat out ignore me, or respond with grunting noises or short one word responses. "She's a teenager" my wife says. "That's what they do."

I have discussed the possibility of having more kids with my wife. She toys with the idea whenever a close friend or relative of hers has a new baby, but ultimately it has been decided that it's not going to happen. She is too focused on her career and the idea of being pregnant and on her feet all day working at a hospital is not appealing to her-- that and we kind of need to have *** to make another baby happen, and we simply don't anymore. I would like to have a daughter of my own, and I want my son to have a brother. But that will never happen. She works all night, and comes home and sleeps all day, and I rarely even see her. When I do, she is always ill in some way-- usually nausea, and does not want to talk to me.

I want to think there is something I can do about all this. Surely it is my own fault somehow. There is just some obvious answer here that I'm missing. I have talked to both my stepdaughter and my wife about how I have been feeling, and how I feel unwanted. They both have answered with "I don't know what to tell you." They are from the same mold.

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:58am by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 10:00am by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 10:02am by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:37pm by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:38pm by Kuwoobie
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#185 Mar 08 2017 at 7:46 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Is there a reason one of you needed to make a sock account for this? Just seems really stupid.

Pretty sure it's just a spam bot trying to build up post count by copy/pasting stuff in threads. It posted in =4 doing the same thing.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#186 Mar 08 2017 at 2:08 PM Rating: Good
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.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#187 Mar 13 2017 at 11:59 AM Rating: Good
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So today in my world literature class I learned that I'm some kind of god-like writer, at least according to my instructor. She made such a big deal about my paper and even read it out loud for the class. I told her I was not particularly happy with it and if I were to have posted it anywhere online (e.i. here) it would be heavily criticized and dismissed as hyperbole.

I'm looking forward to doing more work for this class. It's kind of nice being the smartest kid on the short bus.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#188 Mar 15 2017 at 6:46 PM Rating: Good
GBATE!! Never saw it coming
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Post the paper, n00b.
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#189 Mar 16 2017 at 9:15 AM Rating: Excellent
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Don't post the paper. You know one of us (me) will be an as and tear it apart on you. Keep your confidence building moment away from here.
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#190 Mar 16 2017 at 9:46 PM Rating: Good
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The fact remains that I don't like my paper. So, no.

I just turned in a much longer paper today that will likely get a similar response, although I kind of trailed away from the actual objective of the assignment and went off topic a little bit. My instructor said today that I should turn in my scrubs and join the "dark side"/ literary profession(?). She's from London and has this theatrical way of saying everything. Being in this class feels like being on the set of a Tim Burton movie.

Right now I'm listening to my five year old son watch kid-friendly videos that are teaching him about basic biology and chemistry, physics and other topics on his own accord. When I was his age all I did was play The Legend of Zelda on NES or watch Cinderella on VHS over and over... He hasn't even started kindergarten and he can read and type out complete sentences with us over Skype. I can't wait to see what he'll be like when he grows up a bit. I want to be the kind of dad I wanted to have when I was a kid. When we get a house with a yard I'll craft him a bow and arrows out of pvc pipes and that sort of thing.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#191 Mar 17 2017 at 9:45 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Right now I'm listening to my five year old son watch kid-friendly videos that are teaching him about basic biology and chemistry, physics and other topics on his own accord.

Good Lord, Youtube. My kid sits and watches videos about the governing districts of Malaysia, set to sing-songy music. Who knows if it'll stick with him for life but I guess it's better than my youth spent watching Underdog.

I'm not even kidding, by the way.

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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#192 Mar 17 2017 at 11:52 AM Rating: Excellent
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Ah, Youtube. For every enlightening and educational video for children, there's ... well, this.
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#193 Mar 17 2017 at 12:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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That's tame. My kid used to watch tons of endless weird-ass Peppa Pig knockoffs from overseas. The shift to learning the regions of southeast Asian nations was a welcome one.

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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#194 Mar 18 2017 at 9:00 PM Rating: Good
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Oh god. If I ever let me son play on my phone, I'll have to spend several hours uninstalling games/apps like "Frozen Elsa Pregnant Foot Surgery."
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#195 Mar 19 2017 at 11:36 AM Rating: Excellent
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Smiley: um
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#196 Mar 19 2017 at 8:52 PM Rating: Good
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So instead of playing FFXI, all this time I've been playing WoW because I enjoy PvP. Well, I noticed I kept getting better and better gear over a span of several months, and my performance in pvp battlegrounds wasn't really improving. I thought it was suspicious and kind of stupid how food, armor set bonuses and legend traits were completely removed for PvP to make things "fair" and ultimately defeating the purpose of having them.

I just learned today, that at some point during the span I wasn't playing the game, they completely changed PvP in that everything is "auto-balanced" as soon as you join. You can basically join a pvp battleground after having JUST hit max level and do more or less as well as if you had all the best gear in the game.

It's like the very thing people have been complaining about the game since its beginning taken to the extreme. If it wasn't before, WoW is now for casuals, by casuals. You hit max level and get a participation trophy and no one is better than anyone else unless you happen to play a class that tuned more than others or you're lol"skilled." So basically just roll whatever class has the most HP and defensive ability and laugh at everyone who tries to kill you while you capture flags and other objectives the same day you reach max level.

Of course, it's different for PvE. There is still gear progression there for some reason. Aren't they worried about players with better gear doing more damage than someone who is new? Gosh!

I want to play FFXI again, but I really feel it has jumped the shark. I played FFXI on and off for 13(?) years now. I just don't feel motivated to log in anymore. I am burned out. FFXIV looks tempting but last time I tried it felt an awful lot like playing WoW with pretty graphics and FFXI-style wallpaper.

I think now I'll finally have time to work on my horrible new Minecraft server, now with the option to allow players to import any image they want from the internet into the game.

Edited, Mar 20th 2017 2:56am by Kuwoobie
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#197 Mar 20 2017 at 7:53 AM Rating: Good
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A) Who impregnated Elsa's foot?
B) Get ready for boobs and swastikas.
Kuwoobie wrote:
If it wasn't before, WoW is now for casuals, by casuals.
C) It always was.
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#198 Mar 20 2017 at 11:40 AM Rating: Good
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You mean I can't graveyard camp 10 people at once in WSG anymore? Glad I didn't get the new Xpac.
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#199 Mar 20 2017 at 12:57 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
B) Get ready for boobs and swastikas.


Swastikas and dicks were something players built a lot on the old server that annoyed me a lot. One guy even built a somewhat functioning ****, complete with pistons and redstone mechanics that ejaculated a never ending stream of snowballs from it's end.

I was really apprehensive about the idea of allowing players to import images at first, but I feel the fun and novelty of it will greatly outweigh any wanton lewdness. I already have an "image board" world set up that generates surface space for images infinitely in every direction. I will probably set up permissions to only allow players who have reached a certain level of seniority to post images, however. That should eliminate 99% of dicks and swastikas I think.

Right now I'm contemplating what should and shouldn't be allowed, overall. I don't want to be as strict as a forum that is governed by Google Adsense, but at the same time don't want to expose potentially underage players to unsuitable content, and myself to a potential lawsuit.

Currently the image board world is set up so that anyone who enters it must agree to the rules and guidelines I have posted before clicking a button that transports them into it. Not sure if that will help any. I have a copy of the image board world on standby if the need arises for a designated NSFW area. If that happens, I will make it accessible to paying donor ranks only as a sort of age check.

I might be overthinking it a bit. It's nothing a player couldn't technically do before with pixel art. It's just faster, easier and covers a much smaller area this way with the use of in-game maps to generate pixel based imagery instead of blocks.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#200 Mar 29 2017 at 6:39 PM Rating: Good
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I'm feeling slightly internet-famous today. Markiplier referenced one of my videos in his latest upload today. Since then my channel has been flooded with traffic and people leaving comments. It's kind of funny considering my stepdaughter is absolutely obsessed with Markiplier.



Edited, Mar 30th 2017 12:40am by Kuwoobie
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#201 Apr 14 2017 at 12:30 PM Rating: Good
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There is something about being constantly bashed over the head with racism as an issue that makes me extremely uncomfortable around my black neighbors and classmates. Granted, I am extremely uncomfortable around everyone, but it is kind of annoying how everywhere I go I must be constantly reminded that because I am white and male, I am the latent enemy of virtually everyone who isn't.

There is no way for me to prove that I don't harbor prejudices against a particular group of people, and any attempt to explain myself only makes it apparent to everyone that I have some kind of problem, and therefore must be a racist. This is a bit of a dilemma.

It's the same way with women, who I can't talk to without them assuming I have some secret intent to rape and dismember them. I can't talk to a person of color without them knowing I might actually be out to get them, especially now that actual racists are out and proud these days. It's like no matter what I do, I am made to be some kind of predator that can't be trusted. So the best sort of behavior I can hope to perform is to keep my head down, and not speak to or look at anyone, and mind my own business. I really wish that I could just be a person, without having all kinds of labels attached.

I am guilty of the same kind of judgment, though. I assume that white people I see in public are ignorant honkies, and most of them probably are. When I worked for all those years at Wal-Mart as a cashier, it was older white people who made me more uncomfortable than anyone else, as they are the ones I perceive to be the most judgmental. So I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. It doesn't matter if a person is black or white, male or female, young or old. There will always be some reason I am feared and hated by them. There will never be a way to prove I'm not latently dangerous or hostile. I am a creep, and a weirdo. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

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