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10 Things You Never Want To Hear On An AeroplaneFollow

#1 Aug 01 2004 at 12:34 PM Rating: Good
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1. When crossing the sea- 'This is your captain speaking. I just wanted to take the time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.'

2. 'Don't worry folks, our loss of altitude allows a unique close-up of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your flight a sight-seeing extravaganza.'

3. 'Hey folks, we're gonna play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and recieve an extra bag of peanuts.'

4. 'It would be a good idea right now if everyone would close their shades and watch the in-flight movie.'

5. 'To the passengers on the right-hand side of the plane, I'm sure you've noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.'

6. 'Stewardess would you please bring four parachutes to the cockpit.'

7. From the Stewardess after placing a drink order: 'Okay, this man wants a soda and we need three martinis for the cockpit.'

8. 'Goose! Bogey at 2 O'clock ... He's hot on our tail! ...Eject! Eject!'

9. 'Hey why don't you tell that new Stewardess she can come sit on my lap and fly the plane.'

10. 'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face, If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.'
#2 Aug 01 2004 at 12:55 PM Rating: Default
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#3 Aug 01 2004 at 1:34 PM Rating: Excellent
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#4 Aug 03 2004 at 1:13 PM Rating: Decent
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#5 Aug 03 2004 at 1:36 PM Rating: Decent
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1) Pilot to Passengers: "Pardon me, I'm going to step out for a beer!"

2) Flying over the Middle East, "Don't worry, it wasn't turbullence. That was just me dodging a heat seaker!"

3) "For some reason the gas gauge is on empty! I could have sworn I put $10 bucks in before we left."

4) My favorite line from a C-130 Pilot, "Don't worry, we can fly this thing on one engine without a problem!"

5) "Wow, this is a real treat. We get to see a tornado forming over on your left!"

6) "Gah! I hope this thing floats!"

7) "Ah, perfect landing. To bad we are on a mountain and not the runway!"

#6 Aug 03 2004 at 1:40 PM Rating: Decent
Captain finishes giving his usual cabin announcement to fasten seatbelts and prepare for turbulance. A brief pause then you can hear a discussion between the pilot and the co-pilot about some "guages" not displaying correctly. Hear some WTF?'s and things of such nature. An "I don't know" and a "That don't look good." Was a pretty hairy situation. :-\.. still have no idea what they were talking about... just the timing and everything was fairly ill.
#7 Aug 09 2004 at 4:09 AM Rating: Decent
LMAO! Funny thing, flying to Iraq (can't say where ><) at the beginning of the War I heard my pilot say "...Guess that training payed off, flying without one of the engines is easier then I though...". Yeah, that was in a C-130. Scared the crap out of my Flight and myself.
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