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A few jokes for all ...Follow

#1 Aug 09 2004 at 12:06 AM Rating: Decent
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434 posts
Somethings to brighten your day!!

ONLY IN AMERICA

1. Only in America … … can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America … … are there handicap parking places in front of a skating ring.
3. Only in America … … do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America … … do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
5. Only in America … … do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America … … do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America … … do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America … … do we use the word “Politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘blood sucking creatures.’
9. Only in America … … do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and hot dog buns in packages of eight.
10. Only in America … … do they have drive up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


In case you needed further evidence that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears Hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” (Gee, that’s the only time people have to work on their hair …)
2. On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (Evidently, the shop lifter special …)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: use like regular soap.” (and that would be how … ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But It’s JUST a suggestion …)
5. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert <Printed on the bottom of it’s box>: “Do not turn upside down.” (Oops … too late!!)
6. On Mark & Spencers Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (As surely as night follows day … Ya think?!)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save SO much more time?)
8. On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those fork lifts …)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would HOPE …)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to … what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I AM curious …)
12. On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (NEWS FLASH!!)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eats nuts.” (Step 3: Fly some other Airline ><)
14. On a child’s Superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I DO blame parents for this one!)

Some things we just don’t thing about …

Here are some links for more laughs .. have fun!!

If you live in North Virginia, click here:
http://www.expage.com/northernva/

I thought my typo's were bad :)
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/dah18/america/

Some politics too … not for fans of President Bush!!:
http://flash.bushrecall.org/

Another political link (also not for Bush fans) Click Meet Halliburton pic with dog:
www.americanfamilyvoices.org

Just click and watch:
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=niceride.wmv

The origin of MORAN:
http://www.scc.net/~lex/LexFiles/Morans.jpg

Final Fantasy XI related .. but I hope you won’t mind:
http://www.animelyrics.com/sbacon/ffxi/omggoblinn00b.jpg

And .. an old favorite ;) 1st one is the joke .. the 2nd is the picture of the joke (Also FF XIrelated):
http://www.webspawner.com/users/uiopboy/index.html
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-8/800030/image002.jpg
#2 Aug 09 2004 at 12:08 AM Rating: Decent
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7,861 posts
Got no responses last time so you thought you'd try it again?
____________________________
People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think, don't run, don't walk. We're in their homes and in their heads and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome. ~River Tam

Sedao
#3 Aug 09 2004 at 12:09 AM Rating: Decent
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434 posts
heh ... yeah ... thought no one was reading it ... sorry ...
#4 Aug 09 2004 at 12:15 AM Rating: Decent
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7,861 posts
Eh, no need to apologize, I read it. Nothing I hadn't seen before. I'm old.
____________________________
People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think, don't run, don't walk. We're in their homes and in their heads and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome. ~River Tam

Sedao
#5 Aug 09 2004 at 12:33 AM Rating: Decent
A lot of it was pretty awesome, really. =P

I've actually got one similar to one of the jokes you posted. I work in the Bulk Food section of a grocery store, and one of the products says this:

Chocolate Peanuts - May Contain Peanuts
#6 Aug 09 2004 at 12:42 AM Rating: Decent
May Contain Peanuts? So is it like a 50 50 chance? =P
#7 Aug 09 2004 at 1:03 AM Rating: Decent
Probably. They don't sound too certain about it. =P
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