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#1 Mar 02 2014 at 3:42 PM Rating: Good
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I recommend hitting your head on your bedhead as you throw yourself back into bed after turning off your morning alarm that is across the room as a way of staying awake. Truly efficacious.
#2 Mar 02 2014 at 4:11 PM Rating: Good
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I prefer waking up with a cup of coffee, it may not be as quick but the brain damage is much less severe.
#3 Mar 02 2014 at 4:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Studies show that keyboards to the head cause less brain damage than when used for their actual purpose.

Source: The whole internets.
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#4 Mar 02 2014 at 5:28 PM Rating: Good
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Another effective way of waking up: Frantic neighbors banging on your door because there is a flood coming out from underneath your house. Freezing weather came out of nowhere this morning and busted a pipe at about 8am. Calls to landlords and plumbing companies ensued.
#5 Mar 04 2014 at 10:39 AM Rating: Excellent
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Something with a ****-filled diaper bouncing up and down on your chest.

Works every time.
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#6 Mar 04 2014 at 2:44 PM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
I prefer waking up with a cup of coffee, it may not be as quick but the brain damage is much less severe.
But on the other hand, you had to drink coffee.
#7 Mar 05 2014 at 12:25 PM Rating: Decent
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someproteinguy wrote:
Something with a ****-filled diaper bouncing up and down on your chest.

Works every time.


Especially when they fall backwards and you feel their squishy wet back on your stomache...
#8 Mar 05 2014 at 12:44 PM Rating: Good
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There are things better left unsaid. Most of those things have to do with poo.


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#9 Mar 05 2014 at 12:57 PM Rating: Excellent
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Everyone poops.

Or least that's what the book I read said...

Smiley: um

Smiley: tinfoilhat
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That monster in the mirror, he just might be you. -Grover
#10 Mar 05 2014 at 1:06 PM Rating: Good
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Do you think if you reached divinity or maybe even just nirvana, you'd be free from excrement?

I hate ****. I hate that there are books telling everyone that we all ****.

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#11 Mar 05 2014 at 1:12 PM Rating: Excellent
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When God poops, the nations tremble.
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#12 Mar 05 2014 at 1:25 PM Rating: Good
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someproteinguy wrote:
When God poops, island countries are formed.

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#13 Mar 05 2014 at 2:09 PM Rating: Good
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Screenshot
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#14 Mar 05 2014 at 4:07 PM Rating: Good
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Yodabunny wrote:
someproteinguy wrote:
Something with a ****-filled diaper bouncing up and down on your chest.

Works every time.
Especially when they fall backwards and you feel their squishy wet back on your stomache...
It's been my experience that stomach is the preferred location.
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George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
#15 Mar 05 2014 at 4:33 PM Rating: Good
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someproteinguy wrote:
When God poops, the nations tremble.


If it splashes, you get to make a wish.
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#16 Mar 05 2014 at 10:54 PM Rating: Good
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