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#27 Dec 08 2011 at 12:25 PM Rating: Excellent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
On the other hand. there's no need to go into details and tell everything either. Just stating that you're into BDSM will get you an idea of whether that's for him or not.

I'd go deeper than that since BDSM means different things to different people. We're not talking fuzzy handcuffs here.

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And him doing stuff he feels sh*t about won't last for long anyway because he won't really be dominant and it won't be a satisfying experience for either of them.

Right. And the time to determine this is now rather than when they're more romantically entangled.

Spoonless wrote:
I think you can be open and up front about how you like it, but still work up to the actual acts slowly.

So long as he knows where you're trying to take him, sure.
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#28 Dec 08 2011 at 12:34 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
On the other hand. there's no need to go into details and tell everything either. Just stating that you're into BDSM will get you an idea of whether that's for him or not.

I'd go deeper than that since BDSM means different things to different people. We're not talking fuzzy handcuffs here.
I'm pretty sure that it's obvious that you're not talking about fuzzy handcuffs if you say you're into BDSM.
So depending on how he reacts to "BDSM" see where you go from there, if he's interested he'll ask questions. If he's not you'll know quick enough from his reactions and if he's really not interested at all there's no need to tell him the details as it's not likely to work out anyway. I'm not saying that Delva should hide her preferences, just that it's not necessary to state them all immediately.
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#29 Dec 08 2011 at 12:37 PM Rating: Excellent
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If you really are into that much kink, I will tell you right now that if he's dominant enough sexually, he would have already sensed what you need and he's waiting for a sign from you. You'd be surprised. What most people don't understand is that for the most part, the submissive really is the one in control. The dominant is the one that takes the submissive to the submissive's boundaries, but for all intents and purposes, the submissive is the one that sets the boundaries. It's the dominant's responsibility to push those boundaries and take care of the submissive.

Easiest approach: Buy some **** of various genres with him. Gauge what he's looking at. You'll be able to figure out where his boundaries are and how yours and his can mesh. After you guys have some playtime, that's when you bring up specific needs.

If you try to make it too much like a roadmap before anything happens, it's difficult to get into the fantasy because there's already things set in stone.
#30 Dec 08 2011 at 12:48 PM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
On the other hand. there's no need to go into details and tell everything either. Just stating that you're into BDSM will get you an idea of whether that's for him or not.

I'd go deeper than that since BDSM means different things to different people. We're not talking fuzzy handcuffs here.
I'm pretty sure that it's obvious that you're not talking about fuzzy handcuffs if you say you're into BDSM.
So depending on how he reacts to "BDSM" see where you go from there, if he's interested he'll ask questions. If he's not you'll know quick enough from his reactions and if he's really not interested at all there's no need to tell him the details as it's not likely to work out anyway. I'm not saying that Delva should hide her preferences, just that it's not necessary to state them all immediately.


I think that's the right of it. There's a tricky line somewhere in there between unloading too much on someone too fast (my fiance and I have both done that to each other, and both times it caused an awkward fight Smiley: lol), and drawing things out to the point where you're deep in a committed relationship where one person just isn't getting what they want. Alluding to a general concept like Aethien suggests seems to me like the safest way of putting it out there. Gauge the reaction, and take it from there.

Edited, Dec 8th 2011 1:49pm by Eske
#31 Dec 08 2011 at 1:17 PM Rating: Excellent
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Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Knowing that I'll be the minority opinion here and most people will say "Oh, just take it slow", I'll restate that in my opinion the time to be open about this, fully, is now.
I think you can be open and up front about how you like it, but still work up to the actual acts slowly.


This.

While a lot of people here are saying "You'd be surprised how daring a partner can be in the throes of passion," I personally find it the exact opposite. I've dated a girl who loved all sorts of things: dirty talk, being held down, tied up... oddly enough, not hair pulling. But it weirded me out. No, I don't want my partner to lie there like a dishrag, but I don't want her screaming out like a **** star with every thrust either (I'm not THAT good!), or growling dirty words in my ear while I'm trying to focus on multiplication tables and lasting longer. She kept trying to get me to become more dominant, more aggressive, more violent. I didn't like it. I don't want to make love every time, but I also don't want to mouth off lines that comes straight out of ****; it makes me laugh, and laughter tends to break the sexual stride.

I think it's a lot more important, if you think the kink is a significant necessity in your ***, to be open about it but ease into it slowly. And it's important to note that he may not like it at all, or will be uncomfortable and unwilling to go further... in which case you're probably not sexually compatible. That sucks, but it sucks more to be unfulfilled in a relationship.
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#32 Dec 08 2011 at 1:25 PM Rating: Excellent
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LockeColeMA wrote:
I think it's a lot more important, if you think the kink is a significant necessity in your ***, to be open about it but ease into it slowly. And it's important to note that he may not like it at all, or will be uncomfortable and unwilling to go further... in which case you're probably not sexually compatible. That sucks, but it sucks more to be unfulfilled in a relationship.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying to drop a handful of X-Acto knives and branding irons on the bed the next time you see him but be honest about what you like and ease into it if he's interested. But I think the time to find out if he's interested is now. Better to find out "today" than in a couple months when you're both more invested.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#33 Dec 08 2011 at 1:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying to drop a handful of X-Acto knives and branding irons on the bed the next time you see him[...]
Well, duh. You wrap them up as a present and say "honey, I bought us a few things that I think could really heat up the bedroom."

Edited, Dec 8th 2011 2:43pm by Spoonless
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#34 Dec 08 2011 at 1:42 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
I think it's a lot more important, if you think the kink is a significant necessity in your ***, to be open about it but ease into it slowly. And it's important to note that he may not like it at all, or will be uncomfortable and unwilling to go further... in which case you're probably not sexually compatible. That sucks, but it sucks more to be unfulfilled in a relationship.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying to drop a handful of X-Acto knives and branding irons on the bed the next time you see him but be honest about what you like and ease into it if he's interested. But I think the time to find out if he's interested is now. Better to find out "today" than in a couple months when you're both more invested.


Pretty much this.

Being honest with your partner is the most important thing. This will not only strengthen your sexual relationship if he's totally down for it but it strengthens the emotional relationship as well because you will become more comfortable talking about things that are outside your comfort zone. If he isn't into it then like Joph said its better to find out now rather than later when things get messy.
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#35 Dec 08 2011 at 3:47 PM Rating: Excellent
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As a pervert encyclopedia, I'll chime in on this thread, and say the best path is the open and honest one. Have a conversation with him about your particular kinks. As a pervert, you should already be at least somewhat comfortable talking about what you want to do, or else you aren't properly negotiating scenes, and that leads to disaster. I'm not saying you have to just come out and say "BTW, I like being cut, burned, and choked," but ease into the conversation. Ask if he has kinks, or even likes kink. I can guarantee you that if you are feeling that need for BDSM play, and there is no hope of getting it from him, you are not going to be happy in the long run, and it's best to not find that sort of thing out once you're really entangled.

On a tangent, you straight people always do things the hard way, especially when it comes to ***. The gays, especially the leathergays, have all sorts of symbols, codes, and gestures to advertise particular fetishes and positions. I've gone home with more than one guy, without even speaking a word, and had a brilliant one night stand with zero "Oh, BTW, this is my shaved spider monkey in a gimp suit slathered in mayo," moments.

Stop making *** so complicated, prudes.
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#36 Dec 08 2011 at 3:57 PM Rating: Good
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Tell him strait out. You would be surprised at how many men dream of having a girl that is into kinky things.
Show him your gear and if he runs its not meant to be. Now if your a dominant and hes weak just command him and
beat his **** and tie him up! It works for me.
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#37 Dec 08 2011 at 4:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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NixNot wrote:
had a brilliant one night stand with zero "Oh, BTW, this is my shaved spider monkey in a gimp suit slathered in mayo," moments.

What's the handkerchief symbol for that, anyway?
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#38 Dec 08 2011 at 4:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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NixNot wrote:
As a pervert encyclopedia, I'll chime in on this thread, and say the best path is the open and honest one. Have a conversation with him about your particular kinks. As a pervert, you should already be at least somewhat comfortable talking about what you want to do, or else you aren't properly negotiating scenes, and that leads to disaster. I'm not saying you have to just come out and say "BTW, I like being cut, burned, and choked," but ease into the conversation. Ask if he has kinks, or even likes kink. I can guarantee you that if you are feeling that need for BDSM play, and there is no hope of getting it from him, you are not going to be happy in the long run, and it's best to not find that sort of thing out once you're really entangled.

On a tangent, you straight people always do things the hard way, especially when it comes to ***. The gays, especially the leathergays, have all sorts of symbols, codes, and gestures to advertise particular fetishes and positions. I've gone home with more than one guy, without even speaking a word, and had a brilliant one night stand with zero "Oh, BTW, this is my shaved spider monkey in a gimp suit slathered in mayo," moments.

Stop making *** so complicated, prudes.


This is why I love *** people. No ******* around, get in and get out.
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#39 Dec 08 2011 at 4:29 PM Rating: Excellent
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NixNot wrote:
Ask if he has kinks, or even likes kink. I can guarantee you that if you are feeling that need for BDSM play, and there is no hope of getting it from him, you are not going to be happy in the long run, and it's best to not find that sort of thing out once you're really entangled.
This, definitely. Unless looking for the kink stuff outside of the relationship is an option.

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On a tangent, you straight people always do things the hard way, especially when it comes to ***. The gays, especially the leathergays, have all sorts of symbols, codes, and gestures to advertise particular fetishes and positions. I've gone home with more than one guy, without even speaking a word, and had a brilliant one night stand with zero "Oh, BTW, this is my shaved spider monkey in a gimp suit slathered in mayo," moments.

Stop making *** so complicated, prudes.
Or you just link them to a list of all your fetishes. Not really useful for a one night stand though... Maybe a QR code? Smiley: tongue
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#40 Dec 08 2011 at 4:48 PM Rating: Excellent
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Maybe a QR code? Smiley: tongue


That would make a brilliant phone app. It won't show what data any individual code has, but scanning one and then another shows a list of any overlapping fetishes/kinks, and nothing else. So if you don't share <X kink of yours>, you'll know, but they won't suspect a thing so no awkward conversations. And if they don't have a code? That might be your answer, right there.

Ok, I'm done geeking up the thread. Carry on.
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#41 Dec 08 2011 at 4:52 PM Rating: Good
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Aliekber wrote:
His Excellency Aethien wrote:
Maybe a QR code? Smiley: tongue


That would make a brilliant phone app. It won't show what data any individual code has, but scanning one and then another shows a list of any overlapping fetishes/kinks, and nothing else. So if you don't share <X kink of yours>, you'll know, but they won't suspect a thing so no awkward conversations. And if they don't have a code? That might be your answer, right there.

Ok, I'm done geeking up the thread. Carry on.
I'm all for this. Just make it so it only compares to your list of fetishes and not to just another. Both so you don't have to scan twice and that you can't still peek at other peoples "weird" fetishes.
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Theophany wrote:
YOU'RE AN ELITIST @#%^ AETHIEN, NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS AND PEOPLE HATE YOU.
someproteinguy wrote:
Aethien you take more terrible pictures than a Japanese tourist.
Astarin wrote:
One day, Maz, you'll learn not to click on anything Aeth links.
#42 Dec 08 2011 at 6:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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Delva wrote:
Or just say the **** with it and jump in feet first?


I would think you would start with something a bit smaller, like a finger, a whole foot could hurt him something fierce.
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#43 Dec 08 2011 at 6:54 PM Rating: Good
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How is this thread not in the Asylum yet? You bribed LockeColeMA with video footage, didn't you Delva?
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#44 Dec 08 2011 at 8:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
Quote:
On a tangent, you straight people always do things the hard way, especially when it comes to ***. The gays, especially the leathergays, have all sorts of symbols, codes, and gestures to advertise particular fetishes and positions. I've gone home with more than one guy, without even speaking a word, and had a brilliant one night stand with zero "Oh, BTW, this is my shaved spider monkey in a gimp suit slathered in mayo," moments.

Stop making *** so complicated, prudes.
Or you just link them to a list of all your fetishes. Not really useful for a one night stand though... Maybe a QR code? Smiley: tongue


LERN2GRINDR


Seriously guys, breeders make *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.

EDIT: QUOTEFAIL

Edited, Dec 8th 2011 8:54pm by NixNot
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#45 Dec 08 2011 at 8:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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Your mom makes *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.
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#46 Dec 08 2011 at 8:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
Your mom makes *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.
STOP BEING JEALOUS OF THE GAYS AND GO GET LAID ALREADY.
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#47 Dec 08 2011 at 8:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
Your mom makes *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.
YOU *******, HE HAS TWO DADS

WHERE DO YOU THINK HE INHERITED THE *** FROM
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#48 Dec 08 2011 at 9:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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NixNot wrote:
Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
Your mom makes *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.
STOP BEING JEALOUS OF THE GAYS AND GO GET LAID ALREADY.


I WOULD IF YOUR MOM WASN'T MAKING THE *** SO ******* COMPLICATED
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#49 Dec 08 2011 at 9:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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NixNot wrote:
Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
Your mom makes *** SO @#%^ING COMPLICATED.
STOP BEING JEALOUS OF THE GAYS AND GO GET LAID ALREADY.
I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T AFFORD A UHAUL UNTIL NEXT WEEK SO I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT OFF LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND
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You know that feeling you get when you have a little bit of hope, only to have it ripped away? Sweetums feeds on that.
#50 Dec 08 2011 at 9:08 PM Rating: Excellent
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this thread is headed here anyways, might as well get it over with...
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#51 Dec 08 2011 at 9:26 PM Rating: Good
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
this thread is headed here anyways, might as well get it over with...
YOU CAN'T DO THAT I'M 9
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You know that feeling you get when you have a little bit of hope, only to have it ripped away? Sweetums feeds on that.
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