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#52 Dec 08 2011 at 9:32 PM Rating: Good
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To the Op, If you're into cuts and burns, you must have scars. Seems that might cue him in.
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#53 Dec 08 2011 at 9:40 PM Rating: Default
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Try to keep this in mind: If he is curious; and he does try it, and it doesn't work out for you two in the long run; You'll probably have ruined him sexually for a very long time.
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#54 Dec 09 2011 at 5:54 AM Rating: Good
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Elinda wrote:
To the Op, If you're into cuts and burns, you must have scars. Seems that might cue him in.
Most people who are into cutting, burning or other things that may leave scars try to make sure that they don't leave scars so there's a pretty good chance that she has very few or no scars.

Kelvyquayo wrote:
Try to keep this in mind: If he is curious; and he does try it, and it doesn't work out for you two in the long run; You'll probably have ruined him sexually for a very long time.
Or a whole new world of fun is opened up to him. Or he just goes back to being vanilla and happy with that.
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#55 Dec 09 2011 at 6:21 AM Rating: Excellent
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Many, many people have kinks. That doesn't mean everyone is comfortable with their kinks, or sadly with *** in general. Have the discussion. Keep it respectful.

I like the idea of drawing him out to talk about what he likes, and using that as a lead-in. "For example, I'm into some stuff that might seem... strange to a lot of people."

While you don't have to show him the dungeon on the first date, you do need to make sure he's at least a candidate for long-term kinky fun to avoid wasting his time, as Joph and others have pointed out.
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#56 Dec 09 2011 at 9:18 AM Rating: Decent
I get asphyxiation, spanking, submission, cutting- to an extent, & maybe even the blood (Twi-hards aren't quite as bad as Furries. On a related note, I checked in a hot, sweaty, 'Spergy "Owl" last night & it was every bit as creepy as you'd imagine it would be.)

I don't understand how anyone can enjoy getting burned. Hot wax? Sure, stings for a bit but doesn't really burn you.
Straight up burned? **** no. Being burned hurts- a lot, for a long *** time, & leaves scars.
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#57varusword75, Posted: Dec 09 2011 at 9:31 AM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Delva,
#58 Dec 09 2011 at 9:35 AM Rating: Good
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Gumbo Galahad wrote:
Something tells me
You say that like you've ever come to a conclusion that wasn't spoon fed to you.
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#59 Dec 09 2011 at 1:58 PM Rating: Excellent
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PICS OR GTFO.
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#60 Dec 10 2011 at 4:27 PM Rating: Good
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Sorry everyone! I have been away from my computer for a couple of days. So, I took y'alls advice and we started talking about what he liked to do in the bedroom. He asked me what I liked to do. I started out pretty tame, just gauging his reaction, and got into the more extreme stuff when he gave me positive feedback. He has always been into kink but the girls he has dated before me have been vanilla. We had a great weekend together and I am happier and more calm than I have been in quite a while. I was looking online for some good reading material for inexperienced Doms. I can't teach him how to be Dominant because I've always been a sub. Anyone have any suggestions? You all are the most fantastic people I know. I was really unsure how to go about this whole thing and kinda embarrassed and y'all are always so much help.

EDIT: For who ever mentioned it, I forgot, I do have scars but they are all in places you wouldn't really notice unless you were looking for them.

Edited, Dec 10th 2011 4:29pm by Delva
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#61 Dec 10 2011 at 6:12 PM Rating: Default
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Quote:
I am happier and more calm than I have been in quite a while.


You people who can only find peace and serenity from ***-acts are in a sad state of being.
I hope for your sake you find help before you ruin the ***-lives of too many more people and before you become too old for *** thus forcing yourself to live the rest of your life in abject emotional desperation.
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#62 Dec 10 2011 at 6:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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I'm pretty sure Dan Savage has posted some resources on his site before. Might take some searching, but it's a fun site anyway.
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#63 Dec 10 2011 at 6:45 PM Rating: Good
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Kelvyquayo wrote:
Quote:
I am happier and more calm than I have been in quite a while.


You people who can only find peace and serenity from ***-acts are in a sad state of being.
I hope for your sake you find help before you ruin the ***-lives of too many more people and before you become too old for *** thus forcing yourself to live the rest of your life in abject emotional desperation.

Fail troll is fail.

Seriously, stop trying so hard.
#64 Dec 10 2011 at 7:23 PM Rating: Excellent
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Fetlife.com is your friend in this. Show him the site, ask him what he thinks, then mention you like the idea of hot wax dripping on you. ...


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#65 Dec 10 2011 at 7:45 PM Rating: Default
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Nadenu wrote:

Seriously, stop trying so hard.


Speaking my mind isn't hard at all. While the rest of you want to cater to every possible way that you can appear to look like modern 21st century hipsters; I'm not drinking your Cool-aid.
Would you feel the same if this were your son or daughter? If you say yes then I feel sorry for you.

The title of this thread is the most relevant thing about it.
There's a word for blackballing someone because they don't want to just "go with the flow"
fascism
In this case going with the flow is encouraging someone to continue jumping off of emotional bridges..
I hope you're proud of yourselves, fascists.


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#66 Dec 10 2011 at 8:03 PM Rating: Good
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I like how you don't consider *** emotional. That just tells me that you've never really connected with a sexual partner.

There are a lot of emotional needs that *** can meet. Sometimes, they are purely personal. Other times, they are needs that actually require you to connect with your partner.

Either way, needs are needs. How about you stop trying to force people to feel ashamed for enjoying their bodies? If I were to have kids, I'd hope that they would be willing to find their own sexual boundaries instead of being ashamed of their sexual desires. Whether or not I'd want to know their sexual histories is a completely different question.
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#67 Dec 10 2011 at 8:25 PM Rating: Decent
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idiggory wrote:
I like how you don't consider *** emotional.


I never said I didn't consider *** emotional. I like how people think that just because something is based on emotion automatically makes it alright to just go with it no matter how damaged someone's emotions may be.
Try looking at this on a non-sexual level:
What if the OP was asking advice on how to tell her lover that she liked to have the crap beat out of her on a daily basis. Would you be so up in arms about encouraging her on how to succeed in this endeavor just because it is an emotional need? I would hope not.
Quote:

needs are needs. How about you stop trying to force people to feel ashamed for enjoying their bodies?

Needs are needs?.. what a bunch of nonsense.
If a friend of yours felt the "need" to abuse their own partner would you just say "HEY! that's your need!! GO for it!".

I'm surely not forcing anyone to feel ashamed of enjoying their bodies. If this person wasn't ashamed of themselves already then they wouldn't be finding sexual and emotional relief by being abused.
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#68 Dec 10 2011 at 8:26 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kelvyquayo wrote:
Nadenu wrote:

Seriously, stop trying so hard.


Speaking my mind isn't hard at all. While the rest of you want to cater to every possible way that you can appear to look like modern 21st century hipsters; I'm not drinking your Cool-aid.
Would you feel the same if this were your son or daughter? If you say yes then I feel sorry for you.

The title of this thread is the most relevant thing about it.
There's a word for blackballing someone because they don't want to just "go with the flow"
fascism
In this case going with the flow is encouraging someone to continue jumping off of emotional bridges..
I hope you're proud of yourselves, fascists.


sup varus
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#69 Dec 10 2011 at 8:40 PM Rating: Default
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sup varus


yeah yeah.. Call me a prude all you like, sweetie; if everyone simply caved into their every emotion without a care in the world I hope you find yourself a good place to hide; 'cause I guarantee that world will be a sick and sticky place.
That probably sounds nice to a lot of people no doubt; until their denial falls away about what that really means.
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#70 Dec 10 2011 at 8:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sorry dear, I'm as vanilla as grandma's cookies. It's just the whole "fascism" bit started that train and now it's headed straight for varus country

Coupled with your avatar it's pretty hilarious

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Iamadam the Prophet wrote:

You know that feeling you get when you have a little bit of hope, only to have it ripped away? Sweetums feeds on that.
#71 Dec 10 2011 at 8:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kelvyquayo wrote:
Quote:
sup varus


yeah yeah.. Call me a prude all you like, sweetie; if everyone simply caved into their every emotion without a care in the world I hope you find yourself a good place to hide; 'cause I guarantee that world will be a sick and sticky place.
That probably sounds nice to a lot of people no doubt; until their denial falls away about what that really means.

So, someone that likes rough *** will set in motion the downfall of the world?

Yeah, what Sweetums said - sup varus.
#72 Dec 10 2011 at 8:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
I'm surely not forcing anyone to feel ashamed of enjoying their bodies. If this person wasn't ashamed of themselves already then they wouldn't be finding sexual and emotional relief by being abused.


No one who partakes in healthy BDSM considers what is being done to them abuse. You are making a judgement call about what you see without even bothering to consider the emotional states of the two people participating in the encounter.

If someone has an emotional need to be dominated, then is it actually healthier for them to deny themselves that? You are assuming that it is a trait about their personality that they can exorcise. For most, it's just going to manifest as self-denial, which makes no one happy.
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IDrownFish wrote:
Anyways, you all are horrible, @#%^ed up people

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#73 Dec 10 2011 at 9:08 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kelvyquayo wrote:
There's a word for blackballing someone because they don't want to just "go with the flow"
fascism


I think the word you're looking for here is "ostracism".Smiley: schooled

You're welcome.Smiley: grin








I don't have a horse in this particular race, so, yeah; English lesson.Smiley: mad


Edited, Dec 10th 2011 8:09pm by Bijou
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#74 Dec 10 2011 at 9:15 PM Rating: Default
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Rough *** is not the same as abuse; hate to break it to you.
Playing around with pain is certainly not the same as being cut and burned.
If someone cannot enjoy *** without being injured then there are deeper emotional issues in the works there FAR beyond any sexual fetish.. so yes; I would say that feeding that monster is the wrong direction to go. Call me crazy.

sweet wrote:
It's just the whole "fascism" bit started that

yeah, I know..
It just amuses me that as soon any anyone steps in with an opinion that is against the status quo; out come the pitch-forks and torches.. like I am supposed to be ashamed that I have a different viewpoint.

Bijou wrote:
I think the word you're looking for here is "ostracism"


Very clever, but the only people here that could technically "ostracize" me here are the admins; if they decided to ban or mute me.. and I haven't gotten any warning yet.. so yeah. BLODDY FASCISTS!!!!
It would have worked if you attacked my use of "blackballing"

Edited, Dec 10th 2011 10:20pm by Kelvyquayo
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#75 Dec 10 2011 at 9:54 PM Rating: Good
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Linky (a study done on sadomasochistic "disorders" for determining whether or not they should be included int the 5th edition of the DSM).

Quote:
Most studies of individuals practicing sadomasochism in the community have shown evidence of good psychological and social function, as measured by higher educational level, income, and occupational status compared with the general population (Breslow, Evans, & Langley, 1985; Moser & Levitt, 1987; Sandnabba, Santtila, & Nordling, 1999; Santtila, Sandnabba, & Nordling, 2000). Weinberg (2006) concluded his review of the social and psychological literature by saying that‘‘…sociological and social psychological studies see SM practitioners as emotionally and psychologically well balanced, generally comfortable with their sexual orientation, and socially well adjusted’’(p. 37). A recent study by Sagarin, Cutler, Cuther, LawlerSagarin, and Matuszewich (2009) examining hormone levelsand psychological measures of relationship closeness in subjects before and after participating in sadomasochistic activities reported reductions in physiological stress as measured by cortisol and increases in relationship closeness among participants who reported their SM activities went well.


So let's see. They function perfectly well in society, experienced decreased stress levels following BDSM encounters, and find themselves in closer relationships.

This same report also notes that there is a very common objection to listing some paraphillias as disorders since they don't appear to be pathological, they are unscientific, unnecessary, and they (improperly) pathologize groups who partake in them.

Edited, Dec 10th 2011 10:54pm by idiggory
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#76 Dec 10 2011 at 10:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kelvyquayo wrote:
There's a word for blackballing someone because they don't want to just "go with the flow"
fascism

There's a word for crying "fascism" every time your unique little thoughts aren't cuddled and appreciated like precious puppies:
Immature.
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