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#102 Dec 22 2011 at 5:30 PM Rating: Decent
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I'd end varus if you made it easy for me, sure. I'd kind of liked to have put a bullet in him just as he typed the words, "I'm always on my guard."

I've never killed anyone, but I totally would. Just give me a reason. I don't need to dehumanize them. I'm more a utilitarian. It's not something I expressly like about myself, but I'd probably enjoy it, and I don't have any categorical prohibitions against it. Not that I like hurting people that don't deserve it... I don't even like swinging hard in practice vs. others. But give me a valid reason why killing someone would be better for the world, and the only reason I'd hesitate would be to savor it.

Fortunately for people like varus, there are behavioral determinants like knowable legal consequences, as well as axiological problems, like the unknowability of ultimate consequences, to keep him safe.
#103 Dec 22 2011 at 7:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kachi wrote:
I'd end varus if you made it easy for me, sure. I'd kind of liked to have put a bullet in him just as he typed the words, "I'm always on my guard."

I've never killed anyone, but I totally would. Just give me a reason. I don't need to dehumanize them. I'm more a utilitarian. It's not something I expressly like about myself, but I'd probably enjoy it, and I don't have any categorical prohibitions against it. Not that I like hurting people that don't deserve it... I don't even like swinging hard in practice vs. others. But give me a valid reason why killing someone would be better for the world, and the only reason I'd hesitate would be to savor it.

Fortunately for people like varus, there are behavioral determinants like knowable legal consequences, as well as axiological problems, like the unknowability of ultimate consequences, to keep him safe.


Coming over the hill, Kachi sees it. It's a massive complex, with all the practical sterility of a military base. An overscaled satellite dish sits atop a large, windowless building, standing taller than the myriad other structures ringing it. Heavily armed soldiers in white are everywhere, patrolling catwalks and guarding doorways.

Kachi takes another look at the wombat pelt that Kao provided him. Scrawled on it in sloppy text are two numbers. "69.1938,-145.129395". He utters a silent curse for the handwriting of programmers. But this has to be the place. The middle of nowhere, Alaska. He is tired and hungry, but his goal must be close.

After some careful searching, he comes upon a fenced shed on the exterior of the complex. Kachi climbs a nearby tree and leaps over. After a brief pause to make sure that he wasn't detected, he slips through the door. Finding a ventilation shaft, he crawls inside.

He navigates the labyrinthine passageway, doubling back numerous times at dead ends and wrong turns. He's not quite sure what he's looking for, but something tells him that "He" is close. A sixth sense seems to be taking him in deeper into the complex...he must be getting close to that central building.

Abruptly, the path ends at a massive vertical duct. High above him, Kachi can see the louvers of an exterior vent. Hot air pushes past him to it from the darkness below. He takes a deep breath, affixes his grappling hook to the edge, and rappels down into the abyss.

Finding the ground, he detaches himself. It's pitch black. He strikes a flare, but it does little to abate the darkness that surrounds him. Then suddenly, there's a deafening "CLACK" as dozens of high-intensity bulbs turn on, blinding him. Kachi raises a hand to shield his eyes as they adjust.

Around him, all manner of electronic devices hum and whir. Cables from them draw the eye towards the center of the room, where a giant white cube sits. A single door occupies the wall of the cube facing Kachi. The words on it are unmistakable.

"VARUS"

Soundlessly, Kachi stalks towards the door. He draws the nunchucks from his utility belt, wishing he'd picked a more practical weapon. He turns the knob, opens the door, and steps inside, readying himself.

Inside, Kachi pauses, confused. There's nobody inside. Just a giant tower of computers. All of the wires that had led to the room are plugged into its side.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KACHI." The voice, which seems to come from everywhere and nowhere at once, startles him. He whirls around, swinging the nunchucks awkwardly, but there's nobody to be seen. Then he sees the monitors on the walls. On them are the words he heard, and a blinking command line prompt. It's only then that the realization dawns on him.

"I'm here to kill you, Varus." he says.

"HAH. UNLIKELY." intones the voice. "I'M ALWAYS ON GUARD. I'VE BEEN FIGHTING BLACKS AND MEXICANS ON THE STREETS SINCE I WAS A KID."

What to do? Somehow, Kachi suspsects that nunchucking the computer isn't going to accomplish anything. He recalls that in the movies, evil AI's can be destroyed by posing them a logical paradox.

"Hey varus, what do you think about Herman Cain?" he asks.

"HERMAN CAIN IS GREAT. DEMOCRATS ONLY HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN. THOSE ******* THAT ACCUSE HIM ARE TOTAL WHORES." comes the reply.

"And what do you think of blacks?"

"THEY'RE ALL LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING N*******."

"But Cain is black, Varus. How can you like him, if you hate him?" Kachi says calmly.

Chaos ensues. The computer tower begins to spark and smoke. All around him Kachi can hear an electrical hiss, and the floor begins to give a dull rumble. The voice is stuttering now:

"BUT...I...HATE...DEMOCRATS....COMMIES....CAIN...HATE....BUSINESS...CHESS....I....*****************

Kachi heads for the door. "So long, Varus." he mutters, as it closes behind him.

"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE." the voice booms behind him. "CHICKS LOVE ME. I ONCE SCORED 42 POINTS AGAINST BELMONT." The sparks and smoke have given way to full blown explosions, now. The voice gets more frantic, more confused, as it slowly fizzles out.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS. I DRIVE A NISSAN ALTIMA. I DRIVE A NISSON ALTIM..."

...is the last thing Kachi hears, as he climbs back out through the ducts. He wonders what the other posters found when they went in search of Gbaji, ThiefX, and Almalieque. They should be nearing their targets, as well.

For a few weeks, it's as if nothing has changed. Then slowly, the ZAM forums adjust to the absences. The Asylum becomes a forum for discussing soup recipes and the pros and cons of the Kaldor-Hicks model of economic efficiency.

The End.


Edited, Dec 22nd 2011 6:48pm by Kaolian

Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 12:10am by Eske

Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 1:29am by Eske
#104 Dec 22 2011 at 7:43 PM Rating: Good
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Smashing the monitors can also destroy highly advanced computer systems.

The More You Know...
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we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#105 Dec 22 2011 at 7:57 PM Rating: Excellent
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Debalic wrote:
Smashing the monitors can also destroy highly advanced computer systems.

The More You Know...


Yup. Equilibrium taught me that one.

Edited, Dec 22nd 2011 8:58pm by Eske
#106 Dec 22 2011 at 8:25 PM Rating: Excellent
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Debalic wrote:
Smashing the monitors can also destroy highly advanced computer systems.

The More You Know...



As can pouring coffee on the keyboard. I thought everyone knew this.

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#107 Dec 22 2011 at 8:28 PM Rating: Good
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Eske Esquire wrote:
Debalic wrote:
Smashing the monitors can also destroy highly advanced computer systems.

The More You Know...


Yup. Equilibrium taught me that one.

Yeah, that was the first thing I thought of!
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publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#108 Dec 22 2011 at 8:39 PM Rating: Good
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Eske Esquire wrote:
a lot of awesome

......I want to know who went after the others.... and what they found.... was it the hideous canadian bigfoot who was sent after Alma? Did Jophiel and gbaji square off in an epic duel to the death? Which poorbrave soul did Kao send after ThiefX? I GOTS TO KNOW!

I HATE CLIFFHANGERS, GOD DAMMIT
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Reiterpallasch wrote:
Glitterhands wrote:
Am I the only one who clicked on this thread expecting actual baby photos [of Jinte]? o.O

Except if it were baby photos, it would be like looking at before and afters of Michael Jackson. Only instead of turning into a white guy, he changes into a chick!
#109 Dec 22 2011 at 10:17 PM Rating: Good
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I was tasked to assassinate ThiefX, but then...I got high and just sort of, wandered off...
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we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#110 Dec 23 2011 at 8:40 AM Rating: Good
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How could you tell the difference, anyway?
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#111 Dec 23 2011 at 9:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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Lady Jinte wrote:
Eske Esquire wrote:
a lot of awesome

......I want to know who went after the others.... and what they found.... was it the hideous canadian bigfoot who was sent after Alma? Did Jophiel and gbaji square off in an epic duel to the death? Which poorbrave soul did Kao send after ThiefX? I GOTS TO KNOW!

I HATE CLIFFHANGERS, GOD DAMMIT

I'll be honest, I feel like the story should have ended with Jophiel coming out from behind the computers and saying, "Well, time to make another account. Trollololol."



Admit edit: As far as I know, Jophiel is not actually Varus's ghost writer. As. Far. As. I. Know.

Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 10:27am by LockeColeMA
#112 Dec 23 2011 at 12:14 PM Rating: Excellent
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LockeColeMA wrote:
I'll be honest, I feel like the story should have...


Smiley: bah

Stay tuned for the gripping sequel:

Fatal Spin: The Gbaji Protocol

"Don't retreat, reload...FOR ADVENTURE."
#113 Dec 23 2011 at 3:25 PM Rating: Good
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I'm soooo glad I popped back in this thread.
#114 Dec 23 2011 at 3:35 PM Rating: Good
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Really need something beyond Excellent and it extend to the Admins too. Really best laugh I had all day.

ADD strikes again

Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 4:37pm by RavennofTitan
#115 Dec 23 2011 at 4:28 PM Rating: Good
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LockeColeMA wrote:
Lady Jinte wrote:
Eske Esquire wrote:
a lot of awesome

......I want to know who went after the others.... and what they found.... was it the hideous canadian bigfoot who was sent after Alma? Did Jophiel and gbaji square off in an epic duel to the death? Which poorbrave soul did Kao send after ThiefX? I GOTS TO KNOW!

I HATE CLIFFHANGERS, GOD DAMMIT

I'll be honest, I feel like the story should have ended with Jophiel coming out from behind the computers and saying, "Well, time to make another account. Trollololol."



Admit edit: As far as I know, Jophiel is not actually Varus's ghost writer. As. Far. As. I. Know.

Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 10:27am by LockeColeMA


I don't think it would be possible for Joph to write anyone that stupid. He could try, but it still wouldn't be quite there.
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#116 Dec 23 2011 at 8:08 PM Rating: Good
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Thankyou Eske.

I realised I had to put a caveat on my equilibrium on the thought of killing someone if I had to. I'm short and weak. The first thing my self defence instructor said was: Immediately fight incredibly dirty and then run away as fast as you can". Since in this hypothetical I'm hanging around to kill someone after I've either ripped their nostrils open or poked their eyes in, I might have to finish off by curb-stomping their face and brainpan. That would probably make me throw up at the time, and give me the "icks" for a long time afterwards. But I still would do it if I felt it was a morally justified kill.
#117 Dec 25 2011 at 11:58 PM Rating: Good
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Eske Esquire wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
I'll be honest, I feel like the story should have...


Smiley: bah

Stay tuned for the gripping sequel:

Fatal Spin: The Gbaji Protocol

"Don't retreat, reload...FOR ADVENTURE."


DO WANT


Also, since I never actually replied to the initial topic:

I feel I could probably kill someone, if either I didn't know them personally, or I really didn't like them. I doubt it would affect me emotionally that much, since I'm a fairly apathetic person in regards to pretty much everything, but at the same time, my apathy is also whatwould also probably stop me from actually killing them.
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Reiterpallasch wrote:
Glitterhands wrote:
Am I the only one who clicked on this thread expecting actual baby photos [of Jinte]? o.O

Except if it were baby photos, it would be like looking at before and afters of Michael Jackson. Only instead of turning into a white guy, he changes into a chick!
#118 Dec 26 2011 at 8:24 PM Rating: Decent
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Smiley: laughThat just made my year.
#119 Dec 27 2011 at 11:12 AM Rating: Good
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I was thinking about this recently, actually. I don't think it's a systematic hatred created by political necessity as much as it is human nature. At least, the murderous part of our human nature manifests itself in that way. Before modern civilization, the tribe living closest to yours was potentially dangerous, scary, different, and largely unknown. As humans we have a very insular, tribal community necessity to feel protected. Killing another human wasn't the taboo we have now in our modern society. The problem is, our natural inclinations are filtered through all of the trappings of modern religion, political correctness, and modern weaponry. People who have the innate drive to murder (which isn't everyone; but warriors exist) now have to formulate elaborate reasons to justify their actions.

We have a contradictory nature. We require support in groups, but we need OUR group to be safe and protected from anyone different or dangerous. There are people who take that to extremes. It is human nature to kill, but not all humans have the desire in them. I would never commit murder. Is it "okay" to murder in some circumstances? Sure. I never have and never will. I've got more of a live and let live mentality. I cringe watching animals become part of the food chain.
#120 Dec 27 2011 at 7:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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Guenny! I was thinking about you all today. You and BT still hanging out?

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#121 Dec 27 2011 at 9:08 PM Rating: Excellent
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Samira wrote:
Guenny! I was thinking about you all today. You and BT still hanging out?


We will have been married two years here in February. It's been the most magical time of my life, even better than the year I served as David Copperfield's eyebrow manicurist.

Okay, that's a lie.

Guenny's at work and I found my way to this little corner of the internet where I'm not allowed. Hello friends, I'm well. I miss you, Allakhazoo. I formally apologize and if ever unbanned I promise to never be bad, like ever.


And as to the original question: Yes, I could kill someone. In fact, I've been working on delaying my ****** just in case. Bye now. Please don't ban my wife.
#122 Dec 28 2011 at 2:21 PM Rating: Good
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When the heck did BT get banned? Was I gone that long from the forums?

/wave BT
#123 Dec 28 2011 at 2:50 PM Rating: Good
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Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
When the heck did BT get banned? Was I gone that long from the forums?

/wave BT

glad I'm not the only one who didn't know BT got banned Smiley: lol
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Reiterpallasch wrote:
Glitterhands wrote:
Am I the only one who clicked on this thread expecting actual baby photos [of Jinte]? o.O

Except if it were baby photos, it would be like looking at before and afters of Michael Jackson. Only instead of turning into a white guy, he changes into a chick!
#124 Dec 28 2011 at 3:13 PM Rating: Good
BT got banned for suggesting flat out saying that gbaji was a rapist. At least, that's the proverbial straw.

But if they allow Varus back over and over after his repeated misogyny, use of The N-Word, and wishes of death on liberals then I'm not sure why BT hasn't been allowed back. Varus has been far more hateful than BT ever was, mostly because Varus either does or pretends to actually believe the horrible comments he makes.

And to any administrators reading this, yes, I believe that calling ALL WOMEN sluts and whores is infinitely more hateful than calling one poster a rapist in jest.

#125 Dec 28 2011 at 3:27 PM Rating: Good
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I found the thread that got BT banned. My oh my, I was rather entertained. How did I miss that thread?
#126 Dec 28 2011 at 3:27 PM Rating: Good
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This thread, mostly. Though if I remember right, he also said some stuff to/about Kao?
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