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Forum Predictions for 2007Follow

#1 Dec 31 2006 at 5:52 PM Rating: Excellent
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Yet again, it is time for predictions by me, the dreaded Kaolian, Psychic ranger and foreteller of ...things?
2005
2006

This year the site will be faster than ever. Some might even say too fast! Fortunately an option will be emplaced for people scared of sped to view the site in only "half fast" mode!

In 2007, the forces of the evil rental servers, still reeling from their defeat at the hands of the now victorious Old and New servers, will hatch a plan to sneak back into power. They will forge at the rental place, the One Token Ring network of doom. All will tremble in fear until someone points out that token ring networks are pretty lame and limited to like 10 base T. So that won't go very far at all

The Karma system bereft of numbers will still be the source of contention and strife for millions of posts. Until we replace it with angry bees. Then the karma system seems just fine. Funny how that works?

The schism between the Asylum, OOt, OooOt and OooOooOoOoOoooo0oot will continue, however most people will not remember over what. Eventually they decide to blame some external forum and the war against the 12 will commence.

On the eve of the second new moon, two great houses shall arrive at a place of conflict. The speckled Boar and the striped marmoset will both reveal unto the other their intentions and a war will erupt. Only the chosen one will be able to sanctify the coming of the cheese lord. Know him by the shiny bangles.

No, not that one, the other one.

The world will suffer from spontaneous existence failure for approximately 13 days, however in an unlikely coincidence; it will also suffer from spontaneous un-existence failure thereafter fixing the problem.

I predict this is the second time I have written most of this since the first draft was
Eaten. That sucked.

Kelvyquayo will determine beyond a shadow of a doubt that things may or may not exist
Sometimes unless they don't.

Bloodywilliam will Postulate the existence of a new type of proto matter related to chicken
beaks.

trickybeck will regurgitate spines having previously reticulated them!

Having successfully implemented her plan to take over the Asylum and the FFXI forum, Overlord
Tare will rule all with her iron fist of doom. The medical and dental benefits of being serf
in the tare empire will be quite good though, so we won't mind.

Sonicmonkeys will be taunted by whale flatulence.

Exodus will continue his research to find the perfect cheese. Along the way he will create
"Cheese wiz extreme!" a cheese byproduct with 8 million times the cheese flavor of other
cheese spreads. After a brief 2 hour stint on the market it will be banned in 48 states...

Nexa, using her awesome meteor derived superpowers will discover a new type of dinosaur: the
fearsome Nexasaurus!

Singdall will lead the glorious revolution!

The glorious empire of Samirakland will continue to expand, Acquiring Russia and Latvia in a
shady deal involving a bag of magic beads.

Nadenue will continue her exploration of the lost world, discovering the ancient city of
Xanadu! It was hidden under a rock. A very large rock, but still a rock. No Ayres rock
though. Kind of funny looking too, with this weird lichen growing on the sides. Anyways, so,
um, yeah hooray exploration!

While hiking in the Canadian wilderness one gloomy August morning, Driftwood will
accidentally be bitten by a piece of vampire toast. UndeadDriftwood as he will later be
known will then embark on a life of adventure and derring-do as he tries to undo the curse,
only to have it cut short when he discovers exactly how difficult it is to suck blood out of
a piece of toast.

Rile will developed his newest software achievement, a game item reader that reads other game
item readers, including itself. After a few infinite loops he'll replace it with a forum
solitaire game instead!

GitSlayer Will discover the secret to true happiness when he determines that... wait, what?
this one is supposed to go in 2008? Oops, never mind, Um ... Yeah, Gitslayer will instead
this year discover where he misplaced his keys. yeah, that's it.

Jophiel's post count will continue to rise exponentially. Having previously reached black
hole like depths and sucked us all in to an alternate reality, It will now begin consuming
all matter in the universe. Upon breaching the 30K barrier his post count score will simply
be represented by symbols similar to those found in the original super mario brothers.
Phear King Mushroom x pie!

AtomicFlea, after going solo with her ground breaking entertainment act will become hero to
the masses when she successfully executes a One-two spin scissors kick dual back boot dance
strut while wearing a perfectly matched ensemble at the same time!

In continuation of the prophecy fhrugby will be seen dancing the can-can on Geller street
and main at precisely the hour of the wolf.

Jawbox will enlighten us all with his tales of how he keeps jawbreakers in boxes, just for
fun!

Saboruto will accidentally win the 2007 Kickboxing world championship

While hiking in the Amazon jungle, johnnny will discover the lost ancient city of
Machu-picachu. The lost natives will make him their king. Until they eat him. Yeah I stole
this idea from Pirates of the Caribbean II. So sue me.

After just about everyone in the royal navy except him is summarily arrested and court
marshaled on charges of aiding and abetting the distribution of curry, Tarv will be
promoted to Admiral and given command of his own Battle group. Known far and wide as "The
dingy admiral" for his fearsome use of rowboat tactics, he will eventually inadvertently
conquer France until they realize they aren't really being invaded. They let him keep the
silly hat anyways though.

Debalic will be caught juggling the forum fish! How could you! /me watches him warily from
the corner of my eye

Pikko, capitolizing on her previous mind control T-shirts success will branch out into
subliminal Yo-Yo production. Yet! http://www.cafepress.com/gamerbabies

DodoBird, having discovered that rats were behind the extinction of his namesake, will wage
ware to exterminate all the rats from the Congo, leaving forum well wishers with less fodder.
Oh noes!

Nizdaar will form the first rock climbing rock and roll band to hold a concert 500 feet up
the side of a sheer cliff face. Needless to say seating will be somewhat limited.

ElneClare Will discover the cure for Aids, Cancer, Dysentery, and mimes. It will however
receive limited distribution when people realize it contains Tofu.

Darkflame will be named the new ruler of Wales in a write in campaign after she rescues a
sheep from certain "scottishing". Ewe knew?

Tacosid: Eminent Domain Popsicles. Need I say more?

PsiChi Will suddenly realize why the law of gravity is a good thing when it spontaneously
ceases to work on him after he makes a joke about repealing it.

MonxDoT will suddenly cease posting strange gibberish at every opportunity after someone
realizes that they placed the microwave entirely too close to a wireless access point
antenna. What content replaces the gibberish posts will become the topic fodder for
conspiracy theorists, lunatics, true believers and rubber chickens alike for at least 4
weeks. Maybe 5.

At exactly 12:02 PM, CST on Tuesday, February 13th, NephthysWanderer will be wandering along
on a somewhat dilapidated avenue just outside a small brick house. Suddenly, a sharp <crack>
sound will ring out as a tiny pebble slams into the pavement. That pebble, the last remnants
of an exploded planet 5 million light years from earth, flung forth in the cataclysmic final
war, will actually be a data storage device containing all the knowledge of a vanished
interstellar civilization plus some excellent recopies for cheese fondue. The future for
earth looks bright indeed until NephthysWanderer is consumed by an intense sneezing fit in
reaction to a passing aardvark and sneezes a large booger onto the data drive, destroying
all data contained inside. Didn't see that one coming now did you huh?

The thread of the year will begin with the letter 3!

Redyne will find a way to clone a vast armada of clowns. What happens next will be too
terrible, yet funny for words alone to describe.

Soracloud will be the person I completely forget to write an entry up for in this post. Nope,
no entry at all. Too bad huh. I bet you were looking forward to one. Maybe next year.

Cami will be eaten by a carnivorous were-unicorn.

KriegsmaschineVondentoten will einen grosse grune nase gefunden, und sehen vie an affe aus!

After a strange and ancient alien probe takes up orbit around earth and threatens to destroy
mankind unless we appease it with large volumes of text, Gbaji will save the world when he
uploads the archives of his entire posting history, causing teh space probe to implode. Yet!

Katie Will succeed in creating a Faster than Light drive out of a toaster and some leftover
tuna fish. However she will not succeed in developing an engine test stand strong enough to
keep it from flying off into the void, causing the February 2007 New York power outage and
obliterating Neptune.

Allegory will allegedly allocate an armful of aruvedrian alcohol to all of Alabama.

Growlingbunny will inadvertently divert the course of the Potomac river when she kicks a
small pebble down a hill. The pebble will continue downward striking smaller rocks and
picking them up in its wake, eventually resulting in a katamari darmacy style mass. Good
times...

Gitslayer thought he was getting two entries this year when I accidentally copied this one
here twice. But he's not!

shadowrelm and Varus, having eaten each other last year, will be reincarnated as poultry!

This year, someone in the forums will win the lottery and buy us all ponies!

Totem, on a night on the town after having worn out the population of several nearby towns
with the dreaded 'bama black snake, will take some well needed rest and develop the worlds
first Helicopter / motorcycle hybrid

With a nixnot poddy wot, bring a dog a bone, this nixnot came rolling home! in a porches!

bodhisattva will be assaulted by squeegee wielding scientology fanatics convinced he
disparaged Tom cruise.

Due to a spelling error on the new copies of the UN charter, the Asylum will receive
membership on the security council. Tremble in fear world!

Jacobsdeception will inherit the reins of power to the Yakuza through a hilarious set of
circumstances involving <censored by order of IMF> and a rubber chicken.

Danalog will develop a clever program that converts all posts into real time pirate speech.
Microsoft, so impressed by the piratical applications inherent in such a program will

Yanari will continue her impressive flan making skills with the creation of Flan pants for
everyone!

annabellaonalexander will be eaten by a satanic barby doll apparently.

Smasharoo will take to the skies in his new vacuum energy powered space capsule!

Upon hearing the results of the 2007 Kentucky derby, Brill Will run around in circles
screaming "Wheeeeeee" for at least 15 minutes.

GregoryTheWatcher will find himself the object of intense scrutiny by a strange duck with a
high pitched voice and beady red eyes... He's watching you right now!

Somewhere, someone will name a plecostimus after Zurckoneos.

Kojiami will probably get recycled.

Fleven will develop a competing Ninja speech program and release it to the world. The
resulting ninja / Pirate speech war will bog down cluster 14 for at least 48 hours.

Lubriderm will Discover why no sane man dare cross an artichoke with a mango. The
horror!


Sockpuppette and {_____} will single-handedly bring back vaudeville. This will have unintended
consequences when it is discovered that bringing back vaudeville also causes a slight rift in
the space time continuum. Lucky for us, Duct tape fixes temporal decay!

Whilst driving along in a Mazda, Mazra will suddenly find himself in Basra, where he will eat
at a Persian restaurant called Kasra and have himself a broiled kilbasa. Unfortunately for
him it will smell like the color blue.

Aadynn Litefoot will meet his long lost evil second cousin, Bbdyn Darkfoot at the family
picnic. they will then duel with blueberry pies at 20 faces to determine which of them
shall rule the family fortunes! Tune in next year to find out who wins!

Kastigir will develop the worlds first jet powered forklift.

Iamadam's deep dark secret will finally be revealed to the world. No, not that one, the
other one. yeah, the one involving the Spork.

Allakhazam, frustrated by the continued lack of a winning Philidelphia sports team will
invent the world cheese steak eating contest. Unfortunately it will be won by a petite
Japanese woman named Mio Takanashe.

Ambrya will publish her master thesis / tell all book "how to create dark matter from jelly,
and what really goes on at the yearly faculty office party". It will stay on the new York
times best seller list until the new Harry potter book is released.

Paskil will be outed as the E-ghost of Christmas present.

Nagah will forget to buy any of us Christmas presents...

After years of struggle with the EPA, Smoggy be forced to remain himself to "Partially
cloudy with a chance of smog" to comply with stricter emission standards, or Earl for short.
The Earl of short will not be amused.

Artagant will join up with Arcsine and Arccosine to form the next great ragtime band! Oh
wait, that's not Arctangent is it? Never mind...

grieverao will whine about karma some more after I taunt him here.

Elinda and Eminda will fight it out in an epic duel to the death to determine which of them
has the best "E" name! Exodus and Elderon will of course register protest. the winner gets
to rename Lichtenstein!

Jonwin Will be briefly abducted by space monkeys from the planet Omnicron 12 persei. They'll
let him go though after he gives them directions to Vegas.

Rimesume will be eaten by Pandas

EliteBeatAgent will... Bwahahaha!!! I can't do it. That's too much.

Yodabunny and Growlingbunny will have to have it out to see which one is hoppier than the
other.

kundalini will still have a name that sounds vaguely remenisceient of some sort of lunch
meat.

Avela will go <Foop!>

Matjlav will attempt to invent the Matjlav cocktail. Unfortunately he'll forget about the
throwing part

MentalFrog will spend all of 2007 hiding under the couch so that "They" won't steal his
pudding!

Molish May or May not be D'd

After making a mint on the stock market, Elderon will decide to go on a taffy eating spree
the likes of which the world has never seen. Midway through the third hour he'll get a tummy
ache.

The following people will be savagely mauled by 2 Will-o-Wisps, a Llama, an orangutan and
at least one Puma: Candide, Celcio, MuffinMan, and or BloodwolfeX.

Zieveraar Will discover a new form of Asbestos!

bubspeed will:
Be inadvertently bludgeoned with a cardboard tube :3 (7.5%)
have a chance to win 5 million pasta noodles :2 (5.0%)
do absolutely nothing :3 (7.5%)
Who? :21 (52.5%)
Waffles :11 (27.5%)
Total:40



Gladestrider Will roll out his new line of Gladestrider brand air fresheners, featuring the
refreshing sent of boiled alfalfa!

Shogen will be exonerated after falling under suspicion for the whole Kennedy assassination
thing when it is discovered he has a really good alibi!

BWAT will become the next GFY!

Furby Mk. III will end mankind. You heard it here first folks!

Proroc Will build a mighty trebuchet and use it to fling small cars, boulders, and the
occasional cow at New Hampshire.

Redjed Will get his very own Pony! It will be delicious!

Nobby Will find himself confronted with the dreaded "M" word this year: Mascarpone! Smuggled
in by the French in retaliation for last years Ferris wheel squishing, the gooey cheese like
substance will gum up the works of proper British culture until the French are startled by a
small hedgehog near Hadrian’s wall and decide to surrender

LtGoose will get involved in the machinations of a secret military plot to legalize pie. His
co-conspirators, Lt. Duck, Captain Duck, Admiral Duck, and bob will eventually be indicted in
what the press will call the "Duck Duck Duck Goose turkey shoot"

Illia Will use his barbeque to grill the world’s largest shish kabob. The Karma buttons will
be replaced by leftover meat until it's all gone!

Demea will receive an upgrade to Microsoft Elziabot 2007. But don't worry, after a few months
of patching and a couple of bottles of Tequila he'll be just fine

DSD, having broken all previous records with her pop higher order physics music albums, will
branch out into other sciences with the spy thriller "Jane Hunt and the improbable task of
using plasmoid Spectroscopy in organometallic chemistry to present a valid unified field
model" Or "Jhatitoupsioxtpavufm" as it is released in the theater. It will go on to win an
Oscar for best picture mostly because there wasn't room for the other candidates on the
nomination form, and best soundtrack for the new hit single "yeah baby I wanna be your
Dipole-Dipole interaction women". The resulting riots will reshape the face of new
Brunswick.

Onyxia Will solve Fermi’s last theorem accidentally while calculating poker odds.

Me? This year I finish my plans to begin takeover of the world. That or find a girlfriend or
something. Maybe both. We'll see. Mwahahahahaha!

Everyone else I forgot will be enchanted by the mesmerizing effects of the word "Schooner"
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#2 Dec 31 2006 at 6:36 PM Rating: Excellent
Will swallow your soul
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They're the very BEST magic beads. Or so that gypsy soothsayer said, i' sooth!
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#3 Dec 31 2006 at 6:41 PM Rating: Good
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Comedy Gold as usual Kao, even if i didn't get a mention (4000 bloody posts and not even worth a passing reference, thats the last time i come into IRC to wish you a happy new year Smiley: tongue)
#4 Dec 31 2006 at 6:43 PM Rating: Excellent
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me wrote:
After just about everyone in the royal navy except him is summarily arrested and court
marshaled on charges of aiding and abetting the distribution of curry, Tarv will be
promoted to Admiral and given command of his own Battle group. Known far and wide as "The
dingy admiral" for his fearsome use of rowboat tactics, he will eventually inadvertently
conquer France until they realize they aren't really being invaded. They let him keep the
silly hat anyways though.


Edited, Dec 31st 2006 6:41pm by Kaolian
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#5 Dec 31 2006 at 6:44 PM Rating: Decent
He mentions you twice Tarv

Edited, Dec 31st 2006 9:41pm by EliteBeatAgent
#6 Dec 31 2006 at 7:07 PM Rating: Good
Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
With a nixnot poddy wot, bring a dog a bone, this nixnot came rolling home! in a porches!


Sweet! I'm getting porsches! Maybe now I'll actually get my license. Then again, that would require me to overcome my driver's seat claustrophobia.



Also, Kao, BWAT!
#7 Dec 31 2006 at 7:10 PM Rating: Excellent
The time of the Cockroach hookers is upon us all. Woe and good tidings. Sure they love you but at what price! Repent. Sinner.
#8 Dec 31 2006 at 7:12 PM Rating: Default
You forgot me. Smiley: cry
#9 Dec 31 2006 at 7:20 PM Rating: Decent
Quote:
EliteBeatAgent will... Bwahahaha!!! I can't do it. That's too much.


OSHI- am I getting banned?
#10 Dec 31 2006 at 7:51 PM Rating: Good
Drama Nerdvana
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OMG someone remembered Johnnny!

Oh my run in with angry Scientologist happened in 2005. I went all Xenu on her thetan ***!
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#11 Dec 31 2006 at 7:52 PM Rating: Good
I am actually shocked to see that I'm on the list. Wow O.O

And in my own defense before the end of 2007 gets here....no one told me I was supposed to get everyone Christmas presents :(
#12 Dec 31 2006 at 8:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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Coddy will be trapped in the artic with yodelling penguins and struedal!
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#13 Dec 31 2006 at 8:05 PM Rating: Good
Drama Nerdvana
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
Coddy will be trapped in the artic with yodelling penguins and struedal!


The boy doesnt need struedel, he needs jazz~ercise!
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#14 Dec 31 2006 at 9:08 PM Rating: Good
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
MentalFrog will spend all of 2007 hiding under the couch so that "They" won't steal his pudding!


They'll never get my pudding under here. Ooh loose change!




Oddly I was talking about pudding in guild chat the other day. They're watching me. [:paranoideyes:]
#15 Dec 31 2006 at 9:14 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
kundalini will still have a name that sounds vaguely remenisceient of some sort of lunch meat.


Hurray!!!

Merry New Year Kao!
#16 Dec 31 2006 at 9:33 PM Rating: Good
Spoiler : Nixnot brings back vaudeville and **** the place up
#17 Dec 31 2006 at 10:35 PM Rating: Excellent
Code Monkey
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Quote:
Danalog will develop a clever program that converts all posts into real time pirate speech.
Microsoft, so impressed by the piratical applications inherent in such a program will


Will what? Will WHAT?
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Do what now?
#18 Dec 31 2006 at 11:03 PM Rating: Default
Quote:
MonxDoT will suddenly cease posting strange gibberish at every opportunity after someone realizes that they placed the microwave entirely too close to a wireless access point antenna. What content replaces the gibberish posts will become the topic fodder for conspiracy theorists, lunatics, true believers and rubber chickens alike for at least 4 weeks. Maybe 5.


That's why I'm hard-wired. I should watch the antenna though, don't want to hurt women and children with it. Just doing a lil needed in house compressed air cleaning.

What can you say about the Dread Lord that hasn't already been said by the Dread Lord himself? PM him in new subject topics. He likes lots of feedback.

#19 Dec 31 2006 at 11:09 PM Rating: Excellent
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Dread Lörd Kaolian wrote:
The following people will be savagely mauled by 2 Will-o-Wisps, a Llama, an orangutan and
at least one Puma: Candide, Celcio, MuffinMan, and or BloodwolfeX.


What did I ever do to you to get me lumped in with this lot? Well, at least I got a mention. I just hope that damned Puma has learned how to work with the will-o-wisps this year.

This llama that's involved, it wouldn't be the same one that savagely mauled you in 2005, would it?

#20 Dec 31 2006 at 11:22 PM Rating: Good
Tarv wrote:
i didn't get a mention (4000 bloody posts and not even worth a passing reference, thats the last time i come into IRC to wish you a happy new year icon)

Hell, I've been here longer and sucked less d;ck than any frigate-mate you've ever had and all I got was a f'ucking schooner.

I guess that's what I get for being the reason #4 will never come to pass. We will always be reminded that is was Kao's fault to begin with for inviting those c'ock munching panty waist FFXI players in here in the first place.
#21 Dec 31 2006 at 11:26 PM Rating: Excellent
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Danalog the Vengeful Programmer wrote:
Quote:
Danalog will develop a clever program that converts all posts into real time pirate speech.
Microsoft, so impressed by the piratical applications inherent in such a program will


Will what? Will WHAT?
sorry. should end ...cause them to base the next version of windows server on it.
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#22 Dec 31 2006 at 11:29 PM Rating: Decent
@#%^ing DRK
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Quote:
Paskil will be outed as the E-ghost of Christmas present.


Hmmm...
#23 Jan 01 2007 at 1:04 AM Rating: Excellent
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Oops, sorry.

MoebiusLord will be trommeled by peruvian yucca salsemen after inadvertantly leaving a small tip after breathign peruvian air without permission.
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#24 Jan 01 2007 at 2:15 AM Rating: Good
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Smiley: blush whoopes, maybe i should stay off Alla while drinking... If memory serves i mentioned Wombats and molesting in the same sentance with Kao... aghhh my head, stop with hammer already.
#25 Jan 01 2007 at 5:27 AM Rating: Excellent
Gurue
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Xanadu, huh? I better find my skates.

I'm coming for you, Olivia!
#26 Jan 01 2007 at 6:27 AM Rating: Good
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Whoa! I was mentioned twice! And I apologize in advance for the whole Potomac thing, but it was bound to happen eventually.


And Kao are you avoiding the prediction that MY speed snail beats your speed snail in the First Annual Poughkeepsie Speed Snail Olympics, garnering a much coveted Nike endorsement for edible eye-stalk warmers? Smiley: disappointed
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