All those who believe in psychokinesis — raise my hand.
For my birthday, I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing “Happy Birthday.”
They say laughter's the best medicine. I think it's cocaine and whiskey.
I've never seen electricity. That's why I don't pay for it.
I bought instant water, but I don't know what to add
I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone.
I woke up one morning and discovered that someone had broken into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates. My room mate walk out, and I said "Look, someone broke into the apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates." He looked at me and said "Who are you?"