first of all (and i hope i am complying with the spirit of this thread when i say): fo orz
second of all let me tell you about Grandma. she is level 1 in all jobs. in fact, she has 0 xp in all jobs, never killed a single mob. despite this (some would say) shortcoming, she earned her way to rank 5. she watched valiantly as five of my friends slew the shadow dragon. she bravely consumed silent oils and prism powders through TEN levels of delkfutt's tower to watch another massacre porphyrion. with stout heart she stole into davoi to obtain a piece of magicite. with virtuous patience she waited at the beadeaux zone for the requisite NM drops before acquiring her second magicite. and with utmost steadfastness she allowed herself to be tractored all the way through oztroja on her way to obtaining her third and final magicite. you speak in jest about that of which you are ignorant [Ed-had to work hard to avoid a dangling participle there]. Grandma sub is not to be belittled by humorous comparisons to drg sub. Grandma sub would pwn j00.
third of all: elvaan mage? please, do me a favor and go drown yourself in a nice tall vat of yagudo drink before i ever have the displeasure of partying with you.
fourth of all: drk can't hit ****? who are you deluding? at certain levels, nobody can hit **** without snipers, and very few people have them. the problem with drk is not that they can't hit ****. the problem with drk is that they are in love with gaudy numbers. look at me, i just soul eater + sata + guillotined the mob for a number that has four digits in it (i will not pretend that there is a drk in the world that can count beyond the number of fingers they may or may not have). look at me, i'm dead because sixteen paladins with invincible couldn't pull hate off me after that stunt. also, the whm (that would be me), having grown tired of constantly suggesting to the drk that he go easy on the dmg (only to be invited to somehow perform unnatural acts with my own self) conveniently lagged at that moment. at least i raised him afterward. which brings me to my next point...
fifthly, the whm is always right. yes, i know your job better than you do. all whm do. and i myself know my job better than any other whm. {fact}. and if the party i'm in isn't getting 15k xp/hour then i am out. and i'm not giving notice either. in fact, i'm disbanding without warning as soon as everyone gets their first hit on the next mob. and then i'm /laughing at you and charging you 10k each for r3. and this is perfectly acceptable behavior because, frankly, you should have listened to me in the first place and then none of this would have happened.
sixth, i have nothing to say about the paladin / ninja controversy. not because i believe that each, in its own way, is a valuable contributor to the tanking community. not in this thread. paladins, you do realize that you can cure other players besides yourself, right? i mean, its the same damn spell your whm has. it also generates the same amount of hate no matter who you cast it on. also, your spells are going to get interrupted sometimes. it happens when you're getting the **** knocked out of you. that's why you wait (gasp) to start casting until right after you get hit. yes, its not foolproof. yes, it usually works. and if you lack the coordination for even this simple task at the very least you could get a nice big cure in once a minute right after you flash. as for ninja, well, gee. for a so-called blink tank that's not supposed to get hit... you sure get hit an awful damn lot. if you can't blink then be a freaking paladin, at least they don't lose a quarter of their hp with every hit. and you can watch tv or read a book while you tank then, it seems they all do.
seventh is for all those wannabe swashbuckling rdm. put the sword away. now. the only thing you might possibly manage with it is to cut off the fingers of your own party-mates. and if that party-mate happens to be a drk well they won't even be able to count to ten anymore. instead of pretending you're the next errol flynn maybe you could do something useful like *cough* dispel or *extended coughing fit* refresh the other mages that actually do something useful. if nuking until you get hate and then nuking even harder can be considered useful... on second thought, just enfeeb the mob and refresh the whm please.
eighth, humes are boring. elvaan are descended from giraffes, and despite the fact that they should be statistically suited for melee roles the general lack of intelligence driving any given elvaan character is usually too lacking to make them good at anything. tarutaru are cute and get one-shotted by, oh, everything. the galkan race's only redeeming value is the fact that they have cool beards sometimes. mithra are smart, kind, funny, hot, and they smell good as long as they're not in-between even more gullible's travels and the opo-opo and i.
ninth, all hnmls suck balls. every single member of said linkshells is a snotty, arrogant jerk who won't have anything to do with you if you are not a) in their linkshell b) in another snotty, arrogant linkshell with an ungodly number of members @1 > 76 or c) pretending to be a hot girl so you can get help from the poor losers that inhabit such groups. (just so you know: she's not hot. she's not even a she. and he is in the middle of a ten year prison term.) trust me, i know what i'm talking about when i say the only thing these hnmls do all day is sit around plotting how they're going to steal so-and-so from such-and-such-other-ls and then flame each other on allakhazam. also, every single hnmls on this server consists of one real-life person only. they all have big server farms that do nothing but run multiple accounts simultaneously, and every single one is a bot. they run around vana'diel at random, targeting everything they see, and chi-blasting the hell out of it if it shows up as an NM. i once made a mule with the name Argus and amused myself running around the world with a train of fifty bots chasing me while trying in vain to claim me.
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my first post, /hurray. i browse these forums a lot but the only good things are the flame wars. good entertainment while i'm sitting around looking for party (forever).
- Maelstrom, but on here somebody took my name, thanks ; ;